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Sep. 26th, 2025 08:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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Ten years ago, with barely six months in Darrow under my belt, I'd turned twenty.
It was a day, mostly like any other. They'd thrown some kind of festival on the beach. I'd had a couple of beers, eaten a soft shell crab, and mostly kept to myself. If I'd gotten any presents, any well-wishes, I couldn't remember. Maybe I'd blown Edgar in the backseat of the new car I'd bought-- a birthday gift to myself. Maybe I'd had dinner that night at Derek's place. I couldn't be sure.
It was ten fucking years ago. Another lifetime, but I wasn't a different person. Not really.
Today, with over a decade in Darrow under my belt, I turned thirty.
It was a day mostly like any other. I went in to The Bite, just to check on a few things. I had a meeting with my publisher. I didn't buy myself a car– I did that already, a few months back. It had mostly lost the new car smell, but I'd made a rule for myself not to smoke in it. I smoked less often these days, anyway.
In the afternoon, I parked in a lot off the beach and took a walk along the boardwalk. I thought about all the people I might've liked to have celebrated with, who were no longer around. Some of them, I hadn't thought about in ages. I didn't feel so much melancholy as I just... felt baffled that I'd been here so long. That my life had changed so much, and that I'd settled into the change but somehow, still felt like me.
Thirty. Older than I'd ever been able to picture myself as a fucked up kid in Kansas, and later, a fucked up kid here in Darrow. Christ.
Later, I'd head home. I'd pick up dinner for the kid and me. Maybe we wouldn't be alone. I had a wrapped present in the front seat of my car 'cause mine wasn't the only birthday today, and while we hadn't made explicit plans, I knew the day wouldn't go by without me seeing him.
But 'til then, I lingered on the boardwalk, willing to just see where the day took me.
[[Neil is thirty! This is a good time to meet him, or to check in if it's been a while, but friends are especially encouraged. Find him really at any point during his day, and I'm flexible with the where or how. Gimme.]]
It was a day, mostly like any other. They'd thrown some kind of festival on the beach. I'd had a couple of beers, eaten a soft shell crab, and mostly kept to myself. If I'd gotten any presents, any well-wishes, I couldn't remember. Maybe I'd blown Edgar in the backseat of the new car I'd bought-- a birthday gift to myself. Maybe I'd had dinner that night at Derek's place. I couldn't be sure.
It was ten fucking years ago. Another lifetime, but I wasn't a different person. Not really.
Today, with over a decade in Darrow under my belt, I turned thirty.
It was a day mostly like any other. I went in to The Bite, just to check on a few things. I had a meeting with my publisher. I didn't buy myself a car– I did that already, a few months back. It had mostly lost the new car smell, but I'd made a rule for myself not to smoke in it. I smoked less often these days, anyway.
In the afternoon, I parked in a lot off the beach and took a walk along the boardwalk. I thought about all the people I might've liked to have celebrated with, who were no longer around. Some of them, I hadn't thought about in ages. I didn't feel so much melancholy as I just... felt baffled that I'd been here so long. That my life had changed so much, and that I'd settled into the change but somehow, still felt like me.
Thirty. Older than I'd ever been able to picture myself as a fucked up kid in Kansas, and later, a fucked up kid here in Darrow. Christ.
Later, I'd head home. I'd pick up dinner for the kid and me. Maybe we wouldn't be alone. I had a wrapped present in the front seat of my car 'cause mine wasn't the only birthday today, and while we hadn't made explicit plans, I knew the day wouldn't go by without me seeing him.
But 'til then, I lingered on the boardwalk, willing to just see where the day took me.
[[Neil is thirty! This is a good time to meet him, or to check in if it's been a while, but friends are especially encouraged. Find him really at any point during his day, and I'm flexible with the where or how. Gimme.]]